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The Boss Whisperer Techniques to Tame a Bully Boss

Do you have a Bully Boss?

Someone who makes your life miserable all week by criticizing your every move?

Someone who creates more confusion than clarity?

Someone who gives you a 3-hour assignment that needs to be done right NOW at 5:29 pm?

If it makes you feel better, you’re not alone.

The unfortunate truth is that Bully Bosses can be found in abundance and they come in all shapes and sizes. There are some who are mind-controlling psychotics, and others who rule by intimidation — the classic my way or the highway variety. There are those who treat their subordinates like children, never trusting their ideas or judgments.

The bottom line is that bully Bosses come in all shapes and sizes. Whatever category your crazy boss fits into, the big question is whether you can work with him or her.

You don’t have to take a Bully Boss’s constant abuse — and neither do you have to cop out by finding another job.

If you’re suffering under a bully Boss and want to find a way to at least coexist, then simply telling them to back off isn’t going to work either. Direct confrontation is called WAR. Things are bad enough, so no need to march into an outright bloody battle with the person who has the most influence on your career.

Some ‘experts’ suggest to just stay out of their way — just do your job well and avoid any sort of confrontation…WRONG!

Avoiding a problem doesn’t make it go away. It allows it to take root and grow even stronger, like a bloody weed. It may look small on the surface, but the weed digs its root deep into the ground and latches itself firmly. Similarly, ignoring the Bully Boss is not seen by them as sensible behavior, but as cowering behavior and their personal win.

Ignoring even encourages more of their bad behavior.

But don’t give up just yet. You can improve your relationship with your bully Boss, you just need to know HOW to do it.

I’m going to give you three specific techniques coming out of the science of influence that you can use to transform a Boss who’s more like a ferocious, starving tiger who wants to eat you for their next meal, into a purring pussycat eating out of the palm of your hand. These strategies will turn you into a workplace warrior — vanquishing the abuser, not being their victim — and earn you the title of (cue cinematic music) The Boss Whisperer.

First of all, what is a Boss Whisperer?

Well, the title itself is a spin-off from the reality television show The Dog Whisperer which ran from 2004 to 2012. In the show dog trainer Caesar Milan worked with problem dogs using behavior modification techniques to turn them into disciplined, affectionate pet-companions.

So, a Boss Whisperer is someone who transforms a problematic, bully, toxic Boss into at least a bearable co-worker, using science-backed behavior modification techniques. Don’t worry, you don’t have to guess or do extensive research to unearth these techniques because I’m going to give them to you right here…all three of them. Are you ready? Let’s begin…

These three techniques work not only with a Bully Boss but also with anyone you need to influence. Whether it’s in leadership or negotiation, parenting or sales, or any other situation in which you need to influence someone, armed with these techniques you’ll be able to guide another person’s behavior in a way that’s beneficial for both of you.

Think about your own life. How did you feel when someone picked up the tab for you at lunch or did some unexpected nice thing…you automatically felt obligated to return the gesture. That’s reciprocity in action.

One example from my own life that oozes bucket-loads of reciprocity are children birthday parties. When my son started kindergarten and his birthday rolled around, I decided to hold a party for him at Pizza Hut and invited his entire class to attend on the coming Saturday.

It was wonderful. All the mothers came with their children and we celebrated. But little did I know that I had just written off every subsequent one of my Saturdays to some kid’s birthday party. I was obligated to go because they had come to my own son’s party and supported me, and now I had to do the same for them…RECIPROCITY!

So, what does that mean for you when dealing with a Bully Boss?

Essentially, you are acting out in reciprocity to a Bully Boss when you complain and gripe about them behind their back, when you unconsciously smirk when they slip up and makes a mistake, and when you ignore their phone call just to annoy the crap out of them (come on, admit it…).

Your deviant behavior is natural and in social psychology it’s called negative reciprocity or “retaliation.” It’s even defined in biblical terms as, “a life for a life, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” (Exodus 21:23–25), and in everyday language as the simple “give-and-take”.

What you need to do is use the principle of reciprocity in your FAVOR.

Instead of submitting yourself to the natural retaliation impulse, you want to purposefully use the principle of reciprocity in a positive way. This means you need to first identify what it is you want from your Boss, and then give it to them, first (so that they feel psychologically obliged to reciprocate the same back to you).

Answer this question:

Once you’ve made your wish list of behaviors you’d like to see in your Boss, next, find ways for you to GIVE your Boss exactly what you want from him or her in return.

You see…it isn’t so hard. You need to intentionally look for ways and opportunities to give your Boss the exact thing you’d like to get from him.

You may not realize it, but most often subordinates are partially responsible for bad Boss behavior.

How?!

Subordinates often inadvertently reinforce a bad boss’s behavior by, for example, laughing at the Boss’s “off-color” jokes. Laughing positively reinforces the very behavior you inwardly cringe at.

Sometimes Bosses even make inappropriate comments to get a reaction out of their subordinates. If your Boss says something that offends you, then getting upset or even being sullen and quiet demonstrates that the Boss got to you (which is what he or she wants), and this, in turn, further encourages the offensive behavior.

The best thing to do is NOT encourage the negative behavior… don’t laugh, don’t get upset, don’t retreat. DON’T LET IT GET TO YOU IN ANY WAY.

Giving attention and reaction to offensive behavior feeds the Boss’s need for attention and recognition. Instead, gratify the Boss’s need for attention by recognizing, reacting to, and acknowledging the POSITIVE, not negative, behaviors.

This technique really works. I personally use it in my training workshops to get participants to comply with the ground rules such as coming back on time from the breaks, speaking one at a time, sticking to the topic, and even participating in the training session.

So, here’s how I use positive reinforcement. Instead of looking for and punishing noncompliance behaviors with a penalty like singing a song, I reward compliant behaviors with stickers. If you’re back on time, you get a sticker. If you ask an insightful question, you get a sticker. If you answer a question correctly, you get a sticker.

By the end of the training session, participants with the most stickers get a prize!

Clients are always surprised by how well my positive reinforcement technique works. I often hear comments like, “These people never come to training sessions on time, how in the world did you manage it?!”

And, “How did you get everyone to be so engaged and participatory in the session?!”

Remember this: What gets recognized, gets REPEATED. Start recognizing and acknowledging the Boss’s positive behaviors.

Have you ever stopped to really analyze your Boss? I mean, other than all the nasties, have you observed the Boss’s overall behavior?

Take, for example, the Boss’s likes and dislikes, or preferences, such as when the Boss asks you for a project update, do they want a short, sweet, bottom-line email of 1 to 2 sentences MAX…or a painfully detailed e-essay with multiple attachments, and a second-by-second recount?

Either preference is not right or wrong…good or bad…it’s just a PREFERENCE.

If you deliver according to the Boss’s preferences, then you don’t need to be a neuroscientist to know that the two of you will get along divinely. However, if you go against the grain of the Boss’s preferences, then you’re essentially setting yourself up for a rough ride and the inevitable Boss from Hell.

What’s the solution?

It’s elementary my dear Watson. Understand and match your Boss’s preferences in communication and working style. This matching of styles is what’s known as “Style Flexing” or matching your communication style to the person you’re trying to connect with and influence.

Don’t worry. You don’t need to go back to school and complete a major in Psychology to be able to do this. In fact, I’m going to distill my many years of education and experience down to a few simple steps, 6 Steps to be exact:

I use Style Flex with my own team, my clients, coachees, and even my husband and children! It works like magic with a hippo on top! Yes, it’s that amazingly unbelievable.

Try it and test it out for yourself.

There you have them, three techniques based on the science of influence to transform you into a Boss Whisperer.

Management experts say subordinates have a lot more power to tame a bad, Bully Boss than they realize. It’s time to realize your power. Don’t waste another minute. Go now and put these techniques into action and have your bully Boss eating out of the palm of your hand.

Attempting to soften a Boss’s sharp edges is not only good for you on a day-to-day basis because you spend up to 80% of your waking life at work…and no one wants to suffer for such a long, Long, LONG time…it’s also a smart career move because the boss is one our most pivotal relationships outside of the family, and it’s in our best interest to try to make it work.

A Bully Boss is a perfect opportunity to showcase your people skills. When others see that you know how to work with difficult people, it makes you come across as a valuable employee AND ideal future management material.

It’s good for you.

It’s good for your Boss.

It’s good for your career!

But wait…there’s MORE!

THE BIG NEWS:

It’s a Masterclass with 30-days of online Career Coaching to get you from struggling below the bar to on the path to becoming a rising STAR in 30 days.

IS AUGMENTED REALITY THE FUTURE OF SOCIAL MEDIA?

The Boss Whisperer Techniques to Tame a Bully Boss

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